Texas Now as it is.


This came to us from a friend, painter, writer and a great sense of humor.  We thought some might enjoy the read.
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Date: August 20, 2015 at 2:29:01 AM CDT

To: undisclosed recipients: ;
Subject: Redneck

 I don't know.
 Redneck?

 It's all "relative", so to speak.

 Duck Dynasty?

 I don't think of myself as a redneck but I know a lot of people call me that.

 Hell I live in the sticks and I shoot guns.

 Sometimes I shoot a fish and eat it.

 Why wait till it bites?

 Who has time for that shit?

 I bite first.

 Life is short.

 Hungry + Food = fire the fuckin gun.

 My Texas accent even surprises me sometimes.

 I drive a 28 year old 3/4 ton rusty Chevy truck.

  What?

 I got more Dogs than God.

 And chickens. And horses.

 My grandparents used to say "everwhere",  every time, before they died.  And they weren't talking about forks and spoons.

 I was born in Palestine, Texas.

 That is seriously backwoods East Texas.

  I grew up driving tractors and hunting geese, ducks,  and whatever else came across my iron sights and was moving.

 I had a horse when I was 10, and gun when I was 12.

 I used to run behind my Dad's tractor when he was mowing the field.

 My job was Chief Rat Kicker (CRK) along with my dog.

 I kicked a lot of rats to death behind that tractor.

 Dog killed the rest.

It really hit me this past weekend when this film crew from  London was here shooting a documentary using my place as a set. Besides the fact that we barely spoke the same King's  English, there were several times  when they all looked at me like they had just landed on  another fuckin planet.
Like when I mentioned the snake situation here (didn't want to bring up our rattlers since they were walking around in the dark), and when they cautiously asked "what kind of snakes?", I told them about that 7 foot rat snake that killed 3 of my hens.

I described how it constricted around them and then tried to swallow them head first, then spit them out when it couldn't get past the shoulders & breast.

 Then I told them I shot it.

 The looks on their faces.

 They were frozen, mouths open.

 I guess they must have thought they were in some sort of alternate dimension.

 I wanted to ask one of them if I sounded as strange to them as they did to me but I never got around to it.

  I'm sure the answer was yes.

The weird part is I'm sure my political opinions lined up with theirs.

 And next time, I'm selling that 7 foot snake on craigslist, alive.

 Mostly,

 atom

 



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A Tom



Lake Travis, Texas